If you’ve ever dived into mental health content, chances are you’ve stumbled across attachment theory. Terms like “anxiously attached” or “anxiously avoidant” can feel like a lightbulb moment, helping you understand why you react the way you do in tough situations—whether with a partner, a family member, or even yourself.

But here’s the flip side: these same labels can start to feel heavy. What starts as a helpful framework can turn into another reason to be hard on yourself. Worse, it might feel like you’re stuck with an unchangeable “diagnosis” of how you navigate relationships.

What if we had a softer, more compassionate way to talk about these patterns? Instead of labeling ourselves with terms that sound harsh or clinical, what if we reframe them as “Autonomy Feels Safer” or “Connection Feels Safer”?

This shift does two important things:

1. It acknowledges that we’re all trying to feel safe in the ways we know how.

2. It creates space for change without judgment.

Recognizing how we seek safety—whether through independence or closeness—isn’t about labeling ourselves as “good” or “bad.” It’s about understanding that these responses make sense, given our histories. And once we get that, we can start shifting how we approach anxiety and avoidance in relationships, with a little more kindness toward ourselves.